This is not necessarily an original thought, but I had my thinking challenged today on the subject and I wondered whether I was alone in this revelation. Being a tall (5’11) fat (don’t ask) girl, I have resisted going out and it’s been an achievement when I have. The resistance to going out has always been that I don’t pass and that I would attract too much negative attention by doing it. People would stare at me and I would feel uncomfortable. What I thought instead was that if I could lose weight and become thin, I would be less obvious, maybe even pretty and then I would be able to go about my business unnoticed and gain the acceptance as a woman that I really crave.
I’ve been reading the book, “The Emancipated Crossdresser” again today. Apart from the idea of carrying a handgun around in your handbag (it’s a UK thing!), I think that the author makes some really insightful points. She has clearly been on a fascinating journey to feel as free as she does now.
But the idea of passing is one that she addresses head-on fairly early in the book. The point she makes is that she is quite an attractive woman. There are photos – she is not just saying it, she really is a nice looking lady. But she says that even though that is the case, she still gets read. She is that little bit too tall, her hands are too wide, her chin is too square, and her forehead too broad. All the calamities us t-girls have to contend with. But that she still goes out and presents as a woman anyway. Her experience is that most people aren’t bothered to even notice her and don’t say anything and that if she goes to a restaurant that they are more interested in her cash than what she is wearing.
On reflection, I think I feel the same. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to look as good as I possibly can, but the reality is that I’m never going to pass. Even if I lost loads of weight, I still would get clocked. I have rounded, soft feminine features, but would still be read. So given that there will never be a point where I’ll pass, why not just put up with the looks and go for it anyway.
Aside from the fact that I’ve given up the girl, if I hadn’t I would now be considering that I’m wasting my life away waiting to be the right size and to have the right look.
So my question is for those who do go out. Should one just go for it and go out in public anyway? Whether it is in t-girl company or “normal people” company, it doesn't matter, but we should just put up with the resultant issues in the unlikely event that they arise. The book does give great advice on handling difficult situations by the way too! Or is the book only to be applied in America and that here in the UK you would just get beaten up, hassled and abused.
Like many of you I’m sure, I watched the programme “Jamie: Drag Queen at 16” recently on television. The reaction to him was very positive and that’s not surprising I guess. Would people really reveal themselves as being horrible on camera? Probably not. But the interesting thing is that if you Google that documentary and go onto normal, straight people forums and chat rooms many people have been talking very positively and kindly about the programme and the boy. It makes we wonder whether acceptance of us is getting there or whether we still have a long way to go.
And if the acceptance is getting there, can I go out regardless?