Back on the horse

So as I recorded recently, I was having a problem.  I have been a bit down recently and had lost confidence and which mean that despite needing to shop, I couldn’t.  The need to shop was not least because I have got another photo shoot coming up and I want to wear some nice clothes for it.  I mentioned that I have a black tie dinner in a few weeks.  What I neglected to include is that several months ago when I knew I had the dinner coming up, I decided to book a photo shoot the day after.  I figured that if I was all sad and depressed, that being able to dress up pretty would be a help.  Still not sure it’ll work, but its worth a try isn’t it?

So anyway, I needed clothes and long story short, I did it.  I overcame the confidence problem.  Yay me!

I was passing through Birmingham this afternoon - about an hour or so ago and there is a mall that I particularly like on the outskirts, so I went there.  I walked into the shop I wanted.  And I walked back out straight away - it was full and I panicked!  For a terrible moment, I figured that I just couldn’t do this at all, I was never going to be able to do it.  Ever.  Overreact? Me?

But after a restorative drink in Costa Coffee and a short time buying essentials in Boots, I tried again.  It was much quieter this time, so I carried on.  I’d been on the website a few days ago by way of preparation, so I knew some of the things that I wanted.  I was able to get those as a starting point.

The thing that was amazing was that as I began to shop and to get armfuls of clothes, the world seemed right again.  I began to breathe more easily and relaxed into it - and it became fun.  Like it used to be.  I found that I was comfortable, smiling again and giving people eye contact.  Well, at least giving the shop workers eye contact.  Other women shopping still avoid looking straight into my eyes.  But I suspect that’s nothing to do with me and more to do with a cultural thing.  I was presenting as a chap today.

So in a planned way I got a maxi dress with a big flower print, a white bolero style cardigan, a blue top with elasticated neck and some new jeans.  I so love wearing girl jeans!  And in a whimsical unplanned move.  Just because it’s the way I roll.  I bought a black patterned knee length dress too - and a set of blue jewellery to go with the top.  I have some really cute ballerina shoes in a shade of blue that I think will go really well with the jeans and the blue top.  So I am dead excited about trying them on.  I’ll be able to do it when I get there tonight.  Hurry up destination, I want to try stuff on!

Finally and with apologies if it is cheesy, but I really do appreciate your kind words of support over the last couple of posts.  It has been a really hard time recently and I needed your kindness.  It made me so grateful yet again, that there are such amazing people in the world.   I hope one day I can return the favour.

Blog ends.