Sunday, 1 July 2012
Back on the horse
So as I recorded recently, I was having a problem. I have been a bit down recently and had lost confidence and which mean that despite needing to shop, I couldn’t. The need to shop was not least because I have got another photo shoot coming up and I want to wear some nice clothes for it. I mentioned that I have a black tie dinner in a few weeks. What I neglected to include is that several months ago when I knew I had the dinner coming up, I decided to book a photo shoot the day after. I figured that if I was all sad and depressed, that being able to dress up pretty would be a help. Still not sure it’ll work, but its worth a try isn’t it?
So anyway, I needed clothes and long story short, I did it. I overcame the confidence problem. Yay me!
I was passing through Birmingham this afternoon - about an hour or so ago and there is a mall that I particularly like on the outskirts, so I went there. I walked into the shop I wanted. And I walked back out straight away - it was full and I panicked! For a terrible moment, I figured that I just couldn’t do this at all, I was never going to be able to do it. Ever. Overreact? Me?
But after a restorative drink in Costa Coffee and a short time buying essentials in Boots, I tried again. It was much quieter this time, so I carried on. I’d been on the website a few days ago by way of preparation, so I knew some of the things that I wanted. I was able to get those as a starting point.
The thing that was amazing was that as I began to shop and to get armfuls of clothes, the world seemed right again. I began to breathe more easily and relaxed into it - and it became fun. Like it used to be. I found that I was comfortable, smiling again and giving people eye contact. Well, at least giving the shop workers eye contact. Other women shopping still avoid looking straight into my eyes. But I suspect that’s nothing to do with me and more to do with a cultural thing. I was presenting as a chap today.
So in a planned way I got a maxi dress with a big flower print, a white bolero style cardigan, a blue top with elasticated neck and some new jeans. I so love wearing girl jeans! And in a whimsical unplanned move. Just because it’s the way I roll. I bought a black patterned knee length dress too - and a set of blue jewellery to go with the top. I have some really cute ballerina shoes in a shade of blue that I think will go really well with the jeans and the blue top. So I am dead excited about trying them on. I’ll be able to do it when I get there tonight. Hurry up destination, I want to try stuff on!
Finally and with apologies if it is cheesy, but I really do appreciate your kind words of support over the last couple of posts. It has been a really hard time recently and I needed your kindness. It made me so grateful yet again, that there are such amazing people in the world. I hope one day I can return the favour.