OK, so interesting night. One of my fantastic friends is an absolute guru on woman’s fashion, image and style. What she doesn’t know about the subject isn’t worth knowing and she has amazing taste in clothes and just knows what works on anyone. Tonight, she was running an event for women on what the trends are for Spring Summer, what has been on the catwalk and how its translated to High Street fashion.
Together with another friend, the lovely L, I decided to go along. It seemed like a really good idea when I booked. I love guru-lady to bits, she is awesome - and was just the most welcoming host. There must have been 80-90 ladies there - and me. Running late and going straight from work, I went in boy mode and it felt weird. Don’t get me wrong: the presentation was great - and some great advice - in fact, I can’t wait to go shopping - I loved some of the new fashion styles. I got really wrapped up in the presentation.
80-90 ladies having a ball and one very awkward looking, besuited and bespectacled large man kinda didn’t really work. The situation bought out the paranoia in me. Surely they are thinking, “what’s that man doing here.” Or, “does he realise he arrived in the wrong place.” Or worse, “he is making me feel uncomfortable.” I know it was my issue, I was the one feeling out of place, they probably didn’t even notice.
But it brought home to me that I’m just in a weird half and half state. I don’t fit in with men at all, I can’t do the bloke conversation. After years of trying, I just can’t. But I very clearly didn’t find it easy to fit in with girls either. Maybe if I had been dressed and made up I might have. But somehow I feel like that would have made it even more difficult. L was lovely and I was so glad she was there or I don’t know how I would have coped at all.
Feeling frustrated, confused and like I’m never going to fit in anywhere. Is this our lot, or is it just me?