Sunday, 18 March 2012

Friendship with normal folk

Far be it for me to label myself, in any way, as not-normal.  Clearly, just a normal woman me.  Nothing unusual here.  All perfectly usual and what you would expect.  I don’t know why I feel the need to start this blog in that way - nerves perhaps?

I’ve got the chance to meet (dressed) with a ‘normal‘ friend - a genetic girl / natal female / real girl - whatever you want to call her.   For the purposes of this blog, I shall refer to her henceforth as Slim-girl.  And deservedly so, she’s gone from big girl, to fit small girl in the last 5-6 years and I am so proud of her.  But I’m not sure what to do really to be perfectly honest.  She is such a great friend, really lovely, I value my relationship with her really highly which is why I am nervous about meeting her in Rhiannon-mode.  Does that sound odd?  I’ve got some explaining to do...

I’ve never met a non-trans community person, who is a friend, in full Rhiannon-mode.  I’ve stayed with a couple of people who are good friends who were subjected to the sight of me in my nightdress in the morning!  Did I mention I sleep in girl clothes?  Probably not.  But when Mrs A is not in the bed, I do.  And I’ve met the very lovely Sarah in half and half mode - androgynous girl clothes and heeled boots.  But I’ve not met anyone fully dressed up yet who knows me in boy mode.  Its a big step -- or is it just another small step in the journey?

There are four things that are making me nervous - and I want to outlay them before you in complete honesty:

  1. The two people who had the nightdress experience have either not been in contact or have been a bit funny since.  Despite reassurances that they are ok with it, my completely over-reacting, hyper sensitive self has been worried about their lack of enthusiasm.  I know I’m probably mis-interpreting things, but it is a worry.
  2. I am worried that this will change the nature of our relationship.  I mean this in the sense that I don’t want her to feel obliged to have to put up with me dressing every time we meet.  In turn, I don't want that to put her off from meeting me in the future.  I asked her if she was sure and she said she had fully considered it before she offered and that it was up to me.  
  3. She doesn’t like what she sees, decides she can’t tell me and avoids me.  I know, we think that's unlikely - and she's seen photos, but its a natural thing to worry about.
  4. Clearly I don’t want her to be forever jealous of just how girly I look to such a degree that she becomes despondent because she can’t compete.  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.  Clearly unlikely.

Truth be told, I would love to spend the evening with Slim-girl.  She is smart, bright, funny.  She is everything that embodies what a woman should be like.  She even shows off a lot of leg and she’s not trans.

You know that thing we’ve all been discussing about me overthinking things.  I think I might be doing that again...

What to do?


  1. For what it's worth, I don't think it sounds odd. I mean, how many people like to risk their friendships? Please note, I'm not saying you are (IMO), but you are thinking that you are. Does that make sense? :-)

    From what you've said, she knows you and having seen your in Rhi mode, didn't a) laugh, b) run a mile, so why not meet her? How many chances have you given her to back out?

    I mean this next bit in a nice way: who is really scared of the meeting; you for her or you for you? [hug] Yes, bad things can happen, but so too can good things.

    1. Thank you. You are so awesome sometimes (probably more than that, but I only interact with you sometimes!). I think you are right - its me. Anyway, I emailed her to say that I think its my problem and the meeting is now scheduled.

  2. It looks as if you are in the same boat as I was a couple of years ago. Very likely the nature of your relation with S will change and it will so again and again in the future. She might fully like your femme side in the beginning and later on a bit less. The thing is to keep the mutuality you did share until now above anything else, make it grow beyond gender issues and keep relating as kind souls.

    1. She is a very strong, brave woman and has reassured me that if she wants a night out with me in male mode in the future, she'll make that really clear. And I have to just trust she will. I'm hoping though that she does what you say - that she likes it and helps me grow as a result.

  3. Have you ever thought that she thinks exactly the same as you and wants an evening out with someone who is smart, bright and funny ? The chance to wear nice clothes is an added bonus - for you as well as her :-)

    You know you look nice dressed so just go for it and have a nice girls evening out. As someone reminded me the other day - its best not to regret the things we could have done and the only way that's not going to happen is to do them.


    1. Fortunately this time is an indoor meeting! :o) Although I'm going to ask her if she minds me arriving dressed already. But I think it is a 'test the waters' jobby as a pre-cursor to see whether we then take it to the next level: 'an outing'. She also lives where I don't know that many people, so a good place-ish to start.

      Hope you are well Mrs?

      Rhi x