Far be it for me to label myself, in any way, as not-normal. Clearly, just a normal woman me. Nothing unusual here. All perfectly usual and what you would expect. I don’t know why I feel the need to start this blog in that way - nerves perhaps?
I’ve got the chance to meet (dressed) with a ‘normal‘ friend - a genetic girl / natal female / real girl - whatever you want to call her. For the purposes of this blog, I shall refer to her henceforth as Slim-girl. And deservedly so, she’s gone from big girl, to fit small girl in the last 5-6 years and I am so proud of her. But I’m not sure what to do really to be perfectly honest. She is such a great friend, really lovely, I value my relationship with her really highly which is why I am nervous about meeting her in Rhiannon-mode. Does that sound odd? I’ve got some explaining to do...
I’ve never met a non-trans community person, who is a friend, in full Rhiannon-mode. I’ve stayed with a couple of people who are good friends who were subjected to the sight of me in my nightdress in the morning! Did I mention I sleep in girl clothes? Probably not. But when Mrs A is not in the bed, I do. And I’ve met the very lovely Sarah in half and half mode - androgynous girl clothes and heeled boots. But I’ve not met anyone fully dressed up yet who knows me in boy mode. Its a big step -- or is it just another small step in the journey?
There are four things that are making me nervous - and I want to outlay them before you in complete honesty:
- The two people who had the nightdress experience have either not been in contact or have been a bit funny since. Despite reassurances that they are ok with it, my completely over-reacting, hyper sensitive self has been worried about their lack of enthusiasm. I know I’m probably mis-interpreting things, but it is a worry.
- I am worried that this will change the nature of our relationship. I mean this in the sense that I don’t want her to feel obliged to have to put up with me dressing every time we meet. In turn, I don't want that to put her off from meeting me in the future. I asked her if she was sure and she said she had fully considered it before she offered and that it was up to me.
- She doesn’t like what she sees, decides she can’t tell me and avoids me. I know, we think that's unlikely - and she's seen photos, but its a natural thing to worry about.
- Clearly I don’t want her to be forever jealous of just how girly I look to such a degree that she becomes despondent because she can’t compete. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Clearly unlikely.
Truth be told, I would love to spend the evening with Slim-girl. She is smart, bright, funny. She is everything that embodies what a woman should be like. She even shows off a lot of leg and she’s not trans.
You know that thing we’ve all been discussing about me overthinking things. I think I might be doing that again...
What to do?