Tuesday, 8 March 2011

I want to dance...

So. Imagine the scenario. You're all dressed up in your nice closet where no-one can see you - which is actually quite sad really. But hey, honestly, that's where I dress most of the time. Not literally in a cupboard obviously - but anyway. What is it that you would like to do most of all in the world? If you could be transported anywhere looking great, dressed and lovely where would you go and what would you do there?

Clearly based on my previous post you would assume that for me it would be walking hand in hand with someone down an empty, warm beach. Small floaty sundress flouncing in the gentle wind, strappy sandals in hand, feeling the sand crunch beneath my feet. Actually that does sound very appealing. But truthfully, there's something else...

A lot of times recently, when I think about this situation, all I really want to do is to go dancing. Not in a 'Strictly Come Dancing' ballroom extravaganza type way. More think cheesy disco. 80s music. Crowded. People mainly tipsy, not really drunk. A vibe of togetherness in the air. That's where I want to be.

You might say to me: well such a scenario is easily obtainable - and it probably is. I guess my concern is twofold: I look like a heifer and I dance like a heifer. Before anyone objects (please at least one person object, please...) I am heavier than I've ever been. Whilst I am beginning to tackle that for the millionth time in my yo-yo diet history, it still puts me off. I have only strayed outside my door dressed twice. Loved it both times, so not against the idea, but lack the bravery currently based on the heiferishness factor.

The other issue is the dancing. When I dress normally, Rhiannon takes over. Not in a kind of weird possession kind of way, but subtly I change: I become softer, gentler, kinder, more patient, I listen more carefully and intensely to others. I'm not some perfect girl, but I'm different than my boy self. The question I have is whether the same works for dancing. As a boy I can't dance for toffee. Uncoordinated, unsure of what to do and which bit to shake when. Girls, even ones who can't dance, manage to look good on the dance floor. They really do: I've always assumed that there is some innate confidence there. Truss me up in my favourite party dress, put on 3 inches of heel and see what happens. Ugly ducking or graceful swan? I wonder...

Either way, I can dream and my dream is to dance.

5 comments:

  1. With or without heiferishness, the fear would be the same, I think. Your weight is a way to rationalize your fear. If it wasn't weight, it'd be something else slowing you. May be wrong, but that's the way it works for me. I've been out only twice, too, btw, so I know a bit about it.

    So stop thinking and start dancing!

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  2. Everyone would marvel at the dancing ability of Fred Astaire. I think I would prefer to be Ginger Rogers. After all Ginger, dancing with Fred, did everything Fred did on the dance floor but she did it backwards and in high heels.

    Dancing is an expressive and liberating activity. I would love to be out dancing with my wife while we were both dressed in beautiful coctail dresses. I have actually had this dream and shared it with my wife.

    Like dancing...dreaming is a nice thing to do. I can dream of being out, looking beautiful and dancing up a storm but the reality of the situation is that I am a fairly large man and it is only the reverie of dreams that allows me to venture into fools paradise.

    I have only been out of the house on a few occasions but with a little luck and some persistance perhaps I can get out a bit more. I could also stand to lose a good bit of weight.

    Pat

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  3. I love to dance... I look silly (then again I always do) but sometimes you just gotta let go. It doesn't matter what you look like or how you dress really... I do remember though as a teenager when I started dressing that is usually what I did. I sneak into my sisters room, take her clothes, get dressed and dance around feeling free!

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  4. There are (safe) places you can go to have a bit of a dance. Sparkle perhaps, Pink Punters or maybe even your friendly local tranny support group...

    It might seem like an impossible dream [/lyric], but you can do it if you really want to. It won't be easy and getting their will be scary. It should be worth it though.... Honest!

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  5. I really want to do it - its on my must do list! Dancing isn't the impossible dream, but looking remotely graceful, now that seems more out of reach. But I have taken the first positive step and bought a handbag which would be ideal for dancing around! :)

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