Since becoming a blogger, I have to say that my interest in reading all things blog has increased even more. I was fascinated before, but now I can happily spend hours perusing other people's stories. In some cases wishing that they would blog again soon because I can't wait for the next installment. I was going to go for another obscure film reference there, but I resisted.
But in reading these blogs, two things seem to stand out to me. The first is that they are often deeply sad, moving or 'depressing' due to which, the second, is that the blogger feels the need to somehow weave in a very self conscious apology for glumming down the blogosphere. I too feel the temptation to do the same. Having started writing my blog at somewhat of a low point for me personally in my life, there is an inevitability that some of the content is going to be less than upbeat. Its an outpouring of my feeling when I don't have anywhere else to outpour. When I examine my motivation for blogging it is not (probably wrongly) to entertain, but instead to just cope.
Last week when I was really low and sad, I went out and bought shoes. I actually felt better. I wondered why I'd never done that before - its a well known tactic. They are really cute too and go well with my jeans and have a 4 inch heel. Sorry, distracted by shoes...where was I? Anyway, blogs, that's it. I realised, (having parted with cash for shoes and understanding that if you are shopping you can't just buy shoes and that there was a nice top that I needed - oh and some very nice underwear - oh, and I must have that nail polish, I don't have that colour) that being sad could get expensive. A blog however, is a reasonably priced way of getting all the emotion out. And therein lays the issue.
The trouble is that when you let the emotion out in the words of a blog, there is a danger that it will be very un-British. It might be messy. It might say things that one shouldn't in public. It might open me up to be thought of as mad, a bitch, a weirdo, a less than intelligent specimen, a freak. But if I preface it with "I'm a bit upset today", "sorry for the depressing theme" or some other self-deprecating line then the madness seems less mad. I've managed to save some face.
So what's my point? I am really willing to read blogs where people are talking about how unhappy they are, where they are feeling a bit down, where they wish that they could be more cheerful. I know that over time that I too will get more cheerful and I'll get things back on track and my blogs might even be funny sometimes. But while you're miserable and upset, you shouldn't have to apologise for it. I want to read the sad blog as well as the happy blog and I want to celebrate that you were frank and candid in both places. And I want you to be able to be you. We often have to hide so much of our trannyness away from those that judge us. Surely our own blogs are the one place of sanctuary where we can let our full, multi-coloured outpourings outpour.