Thursday, 4 February 2016

Is it possible to be so happy?

In the midst of lots of difficulty, how is it that sometimes, you want to jump up and down with joy?  I have some really difficult things going on at the moment that are going to take all of my resilience, strength, determination and diplomacy to get through.  Even the best I can be might not get me through it.  Add into the mix that more Rhiannon time = potential marital breakdown.  Also consider that any transition will not happen in the immediately foreseeable future and I should be so sad and down.  But its amazing because I have never felt so alive and happy as I’m feeling right now.

You will recall that I said my New Year resolutions included a target to go out as Rhiannon at least once per month.  So far this year, I am smashing the target into the back of the net, and I think that it is this fact that has led to this unusual height of happiness.  Clearly the cynical Brit in me is waiting for it all to come crashing down around me, but for now I’ll enjoy.

This week I have managed to spend 2 full days as Rhiannon and been out on both occasions and have enjoyed them immensely.  The first was earlier in the week and involved travelling over to Manchester to enjoy lunch with a friend.  Admittedly, it was easy enough, it was at Velvet on Canal Street, so you’d expect a high degree of trans-friendliness, but it was still so awesome.  I know that this is sad and probably objectionable in some way, but every time I get called Madam, something inside me breaks and I just want to cry with happiness.  Throughout lunch, the staff made every effort to make me feel like I was another female customer and they looked after me accordingly.  After, I went back to my hotel and aside from dinner, had a lovely afternoon working and getting lots done.

Interestingly two things happened on my way to lunch that I’d never had before.  The first was that I came out of the nearby multi-storey car park and had the shock of my life.  I entered a wind trap.  Have you ever had the experience where everything slows down into slow motion and you worry that something terrible is about to happen?  I felt the wind tug at my (not real) hair and I froze ready to either catch it or to make an embarrassed dash after it!  But, thank goodness, my new wig has clips that held it firmly in place and I just looked instead like any other windswept lady!  Secondly my lunch friend was late and I’d agreed to wait just outside the restaurant for them.  Despite other people being around and there being CCTV, I was amazed at just how exposed I felt.  Just a taste, I suspect, of the insecurity that women feel when out and about.  Or I’m just paranoid. :o)

The second day was fantastic too.  Mainly the day was in the office, but I had a hair appointment in the morning.  As I have said before, I buy, wash and accessorise my wig at a fantastic place in Leeds: Andrea’s Hairoom - her website is  I know that I’ve recommended her before, but honestly, it can’t be possible that there is a lovelier, more trans-friendly person around.  Her shop is very private and comfortable and what she doesn’t know on the subject is not worth knowing.  Her supplies are drawn from some of the best suppliers around the world.  This visit was because my current wig got a kink in it because it is real hair and I wanted to know how to control it. Andrea offered to help me learn how to style my hair using hair straighteners.  She recommended straighteners from Cloud Nine and very quickly I started to get the idea.  Practice practice practice is going to be the order of the day, but it was so fantastic to be able to do other things with my wig or at the very least to be able to tidy it up.  Helping me in this way requires complete patience and Andrea was just great at teaching the dark art of wigdressing.  She also sells other accessories.  I have been looking for some nice scarves for a long time and she had two for sale that I completely fell in love with.  A fantastic visit all round.  I genuinely can’t wait for my next visit, every time I leave her shop, I feel 100 foot high and brim with confidence.  I love the energy and support she gives as well as being a great resource to the trans community.

I have a feeling that over the next week there are somethings that will dampen my spirit.  But as you can see from my latest photo, taken yesterday morning that I have more happy Rhiannon memories.  The one downside?  I want even more time as Rhiannon now.


  1. What a lovely picture and set of experiences!

    And I totally get the idea that happiness can be had amidst a series of events that would otherwise be awful. It takes a great deal of spirit, in my experience, to embrace that happiness and allow it to, well, be.

    Yay for happiness! Yay for kinks in wigs!

    Indeed, just plain yay!

    Joanna xx

  2. Thank you so much Mrs! I really am happy. Have a nightmare meeting coming up at the weekend, but mostly I don't care. And having another Rhi day tomorrow. So fantastic! x

  3. May I say that smile suits you, and radiates the happiness, you've stored up? Suits you, madam ;-)

    The simple pleasure of just being out and about, what's not to like? I hope the good times continue.