Two weeks of deliberation has got me there, you'll be relieved to know. I want to get back on the horse. The big thing now is trying to figure out the best way to achieve that aim. You might say that it's obvious as to how to do it, but I need to be sure about why I'm getting back on and to make sure I can stay on this time. The last couple of times I have been thrown off. I want to be ready for that sucker.
I have thought about little else of late and the idea of getting to be me again makes me feel an internal relief that I can't even begin to describe. There is a relaxation and assurance that comes with it that is so fantastic.
As I said in my last blog, I still have a number of hang ups, but I think it's important to develop thick skin. I felt overwhelmingly supported by the comments on my last blog. The people who read this and help me are genuinely awesome. They really helped me to look at the problem of my lack of confidence differently. I do just need to get used to the fact that people stare anyway at people whether they are trans or not. It's no different and that even if it is, does it matter anyway? I need to stop being ashamed of being me.
I've also been bad. I know I said I wouldn't dive in and do loads of shopping, but I have done a little and am a dress and two pairs of shoes better off. I love shoes so much. I saw a pair of ankle boots I liked. I've always wanted some, so they were a yes immediately. The other pair of shoes match the dress. Of course. You can't buy a dress without shoes, surely? Based on a recommendation from another blog, I have also set up an appointment to get a new wig. I've always struggled to get this right, so it'll be great to buy it from a professional and to have it cut to shape.
Beyond that, I'm starting to think about plans for trips out and Rhi time. Things are in the offing with not much confirmed yet. But that will change and I'll keep you up to date in terms of progress.
I guess the biggest thing is that now I'm back off holiday, I'm tackling the weight issue with a vengeance. I know I've said it before, but I have improved appearance to strive for, a small operation to go through and I want to improve my healthiness and fitness. You know, just in case things move forward.
Thank you so much for your continued readership. It's been a tough year and I'm sure there are horrible times ahead, but I think I'm taking the right decision for me for once. I think that equally its exciting...