Wednesday, 12 December 2012
The best of times and the worst of times
This was going to be a weekend written, jokey blog, but life has caused it to take quite a serious and actually very sad turn to something I don’t want to speak of lightly.
It will sound odd, but getting the new bag and I also bought a new coat, made a huge difference. It meant that I was going out top to toe in girl mode. Somehow that fact alone has given me confidence I never knew I had. The mixture of reactions I have received so far have ranged from the very positive to the not negative. No-one has been horrible or thrown a wobbler at me. That has encouraged me too.
I work for a small company that I help run and over the last few months I have come out to a number of people who work for us and some in our office. This has led to me gain permissions to be able to go to work sometimes in Rhiannon mode which is a major step forward for me. The fact that I asked for it alone is amazing!
From a trans perspective, I've never been happier. I'm in such a great place in my head right now.
But as I said before, something really sad has happened to counter it. I’m really too raw to actually talk about it at the moment. Still in processing mode. But Mrs A and I have decided to split. For more reasons than just trans, this woman whom I love so much, won't be my wife any more. Part of me, I have to be honest is relieved. Suppressing Rhiannon most of the time has taken its toll. The bigger part of me is down and sad. I will come back to this another day, but given that this blog is a record of my whole life, you need to have the lows as well as the highs to get the full picture of me.
A sad blog to write, but I know that you’ll keep reading and encouraging me. That things will get better. I’ll emerge stronger and hopefully happier. But the journey to that point is not one I’m relishing very much.