Thursday, 13 November 2014

Make Up Analysis

Sometimes, I’m just confused by my other half.  She’ll divorce me if she found out that I’m continuing with any vestige of my female life.  But then she asks me a question that relies on my knowledge of the female arts to help me answer.

We were watching the news and there was a lady who was being interviewed on an ad hoc basis about some serious expert scientific content and, into the mix, who’s make up could have been better.  I was listening to what she was saying and she was really interesting.  But before I considered what I was doing, I impulsively commented that, “Her make up doesn’t really seem to work very well for her.”   I’m not presenting myself as an expert, nor was I trying to be mean at all, but there were a few problems with it.  Mrs A, instead of sneering as I expected, or providing an ominous silence, asked me what I thought the problem was.

Not that I have been a close observer of make up for very long time (ok, maybe I have) or that I am opinionated (ok, maybe a little) but immediately, I gave a thorough analysis.  Her foundation needed to be slightly heavier and applied more thoroughly, some extra concealer was needed as she had dark rings under her eyes and some spots that needed covering.  She also had a colour of lipstick usually reserved for a party nights together with the shiniest lip gloss I’ve seen for a while.  It was just incongruent with what she was talking about. She had a nice face and a couple of changes could have made a big difference.

Anyway, that aside, Mrs A responded with, “Oh” and then said no more.  I have to own up to being slightly gutted.  I'm not sure why, but I thought, “why did you bother asking.”  Unwittingly - again - I have shown a level knowledge she thinks I shouldn’t have, on a subject about which a ‘man’ should just be ignorant.   I felt guilty for knowing these things.  Again.  Can I go back an hour and press the 'undo' button please?


  1. I think in future, ignorance is best ?

    1. I think you could be right. This involuntary speaking thing needs to stop! :o) I'm going to burp instead. Grrrrr.

  2. My wife watches QVC and occasionally I've watched for a while, too.

    Same exact thing has happened to me - not on makeup, but with dresses. "That dress need to be a bit more shaped, take in an inch on each side." Or maybe "The neckline doesn't flatter her face." You get the picture...and my comments usually get the same "Oh" yours got, along with a bit of a glare.

    Burping sounds like a good idea. I may have to try that...LOL!


    1. :o) I do that too - when will I learn!!

      I thought about adding trumping to the list as well, but that is a bit too manly even for me! Well, in public anyway! :o)

  3. Hi hon,

    If you ever invent that rewind button, I know a certain ditzy redhead who would happily pay whatever you charge, given her penchant for speaking before thinking. Or just speaking and forgetting about the thinking part altogether. :D

    Hope you're doing well otherwise, sweetie!!!


    1. Hi Cass, I would definitely give it to the whole of mankind like the little philanthropist I am. :o)

      I'm ok thank you. Still very sad, but containing it mostly - I do my best to hide it from those around me. Sometimes more successfully that others.

      But I have been so excited and blessed by your recent posts - a real encouragement. You are looking so lovely and your vlog was really interesting and you sounded great. Your response to your sadness has been a real inspiration when it feels like I'm still mired in it. Thank you Cass :o)

      Rhi x

  4. Move over Auntie Gok, there's a new expert in town ;-) In fairness, she did ask and you did answer. Look at it from a man PoV: you provided a solution to the problem. What's the big deal? :-)

    1. If only I was that knowledgeable! Maybe one day?

      I was thinking that I was getting less manly. Damn that I just provide one annual solution and suddenly have her thinking I'm all butch.

  5. Hi Rhi,
    It been some time, and after reading you last post, I just shock my head very slowly and had to write. Firstly it is my option that you did the right thing in answering your wife's question as you did and not the way she expected. I suspect deep down you would have given the same detailed opinion even knowing the outcome. It shows that the 'fighting spirt' is still within you and you haven't given in and taken the 'passive role' in the partnership. good on you! Of course the "Oh" was to be expected.
    I tell you Rhiannon: Do Not Feel Guilty!! She has no right to do this to you!
    I have a question. Does she use makeup? I don't mean "general servicing" with creams etc. but the full war paint, if so, is she critical in what she wears? It could be that the "oh" was not "he shouldn't know things like that" but "hey! he knows more about it than I do!". Has she ever asked you your opinion on a colour or style to makeup or clothing? I suspect not. I find it to be totally unfair that men should not be allowed to have a say in what would look good or not on their partners, just because the partner thinks that men, genetically, don't have in their brain paintbox the colour pink! The male sex is continuously confronted with the colourful gestalt of the "far sex". It is their "mission" to pick and choose, to have opinions, be critical and complimentary. If they didn't, our species would have died out long ago...
    I think a lot of women would love to have a partner who is knowledgable and can hold discourse on female attire and makeup either when shopping or in front of the TV. You could tell her that some makeup artists are male and not all gay, this goes as well for clothes and especially for shoes, also that makeup is not the prerogative of females.
    Unfortunately, I don't think this will change her worldview..
    But you can work on it....
    Just thought, do you ask her opinion when shopping for yourself ( boy mode of course)?
    Or do you get it anyway..

    Mandy mentioned QVC, we have in Germany a program called "Shopping Queen", where a top dress designer to a particular theme, gives five woman 500 Euros each and a 3 hour time limit to go shopping with a friend as companion and at the end get a makeover. Five shopping sprees over five days, at the end of a day the shopper present themselves to the rest of the group and get points in secret, also from the dress designer. The one with the most points at the end of the week gets a money prize. On Sundays afternoons the whole 5 days are repeated.
    Sometimes at tea time we sit and watch. We both give up our preferences and discuss what we would prefer she wears and if the makeup matches or not etc. We usually have the same opinions and taste, of course in all this time I am in "Book" mode, no Abigale in sight, only in mind, my Mrs A is not aware of Abigale at all. She is a little surprised now and then to what detail I would go, when e.g. the eyebrow colour should be black and not brown against the eye shadow. But she is not surprised in the details I give, but that I give up an opinion at all! We now have fun making jokes and rolling out eyes at the stupid commentary. In the past I would have just sat there not saying anything, now - and this could have something to do with Abigale - I now feel I have the right to say something. Just because its "girly stuff" is not a criteria to keep my male mouth shut...
    Hold in there girl, keep posting
    lots of love

    1. Abigale - thank you so much, I am so grateful that you take the time to respond to my blogs - your encouragement is so appreciated :o).

      The fighting spirit is definitely there, in fact, I’m feeling a sense of genuine desperation and longing at the moment. Hiding is not enough and more than once of late I’ve had to stop myself from doing some kind of crazy outing article on social media.

      My Mrs A uses make up about 4-5 times a year, light touch, meagrely applied. She has amazing skin and looks about 16 even though she is 40. She has acknowledged in the past that I know more about the subject, but also knows that I am trans and so hates the fact that I know more as she realises that I know about it through experience. I choose and buy most of her clothes for her and have applied mascara to her on more than one occasion. She doesn’t comment on my boy clothes as she thinks I have better taste than her anyway. Each time I buy for her or help her with make up it brings me hope like you couldn’t imagine. I think that the ice is breaking, but am consistently disappointed. She would prefer that I wore blue, had lots of body hair and was all manly. I though that secretly, the reason she married me is that there is the gentleness there, but would prefer it not to come from a feminine place, just that I was a gentle guy.

      I stopped to blog the other day because of the confusing contradiction. Knowing all she knows and hating my trans-ness, she still asked. Deep down, knowing she would get the response she did, but being surprised that she got it is just strange. It was almost like, as I have been not doing anything for so long, that she was just testing to reassure herself that she still has a problem. Its the only explanation I can think of…

      Take care lady, thank you for reading,
      Rhi x

  6. Hi rhiannon, this can seem like a test and perhaps it is. The thing is that you cannot suppress being yourself nor should you. If you feel like you are one slip up from being outed and divorced then perhaps its time for a discussion with her about this. It is very difficult to give advice here because my coming out helped expedite my divorce but I do know that sooner or later this will surface again and you will fail her test, I guess what im trying to say is that being held hostage for being trans is not a healthy long term prognosis. Proceed at your own pace but maybe try to make some sort of movement to remove what may feel like a noose of guilt.