Thursday, 1 August 2013
Time for an update - part one
So much has happened lately and yet things have been so busy that trying to find a slot to write has been impossible. Hence it is 4.50am, I’m in a hotel room in Glasgow and trying to bash this out before the next mad day gets going.
There is lots to tell that is more interesting, but probably the place to start is following a particularly tough time, I have begun seeing a counsellor. About a month ago I went to an annual event that I’ve described before on my blog. This event has every one of my worst situations rolled into one. It is predominantly filled with women making an effort to look fantastic for one another. There is a black tie event. And for added fun, this year the weather was traumatically hot, which brought out the most impossibly cute sundresses while I was uncomfortably buttoned up in my male suit most of the time.
Honestly, in those few days of the event, I quite literally had an emotional meltdown. Some of the people who I turn to in tough times got some of the most painful texts and emails I have ever sent. I got to the point where I just didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t know what to say, to think or really how to carry on. In my pain, I reached out instead and contacted a trans counsellor. Amazingly, I think she saw the gravity of my strife and just hours later we had our first discussion. It was such a refreshing oasis of calm. Together with some friends, I came back to myself and got through. This was even when on top of it all, I’d hired another straight-jacket of a dinner suit for the black tie event and the shirt didn’t fit my collar even though it was the right size. I contemplated not bothering going, but I summoned the fortitude to carry on. I did go and it was ok. I survived.
That preamble was to say that I had my latest counselling session this week. I opened it up by saying that I’d not done many Rhiannon things this month - that I was putting it on hold a little. Then I listed a long long long list of all the things I’d done in the last four weeks or so and I realised that I now do Rhiannon things without even thinking about it sometimes and that I’ve stopped traveling between him and her and have largely merged them together. Even if I’m not presenting as Rhiannon at a given moment, I am still who I am.
Anyway, so what’s happened? Well, three main things really...
Becca and I are good friends and we have talked about going to Sparkle for a few months now. I was reluctant at best. A weekend as me, wandering about doing girl things was a bit scary. However, I did it. I went through it and enjoyed it. There are a couple of photos here that are slightly low quality. Becca is a wonderful lady, a great friend, a wise sage and a courageous human being. But she is a lousy photographer. So I can only really apologise for the photos. :o)
But I met some great people and had a lot of fun and am keen to go back.
Second, along the way this month has been dressing rather more than usual around other people. I have had a selection of visitors to 'Rhiannon's Place', including said Becca and (on a different occasion) my mother, which was great fun. The heat has curtailed some of my make up application, so some of the Rhiannon time has been hair and make up free, but its still me!
And thirdly I went out, Rhiannon-style, for another day out with two fantastic GG girlfriends. But I am conscious that some stuff happened on that day that I want to share with you and that this is already a long blog, so I am going to do that annoying thing of deferring telling you about that. Plus, its nearly time for the day to start! So, give me a day or two and I’ll put it out there...