Monday, 2 April 2012

Still very fat :o(

I have to face up to it.  The diet has not made a very impressive start this month.  In fact, I have demonstrated a consummate ability to avoid starting it properly.  That has been good from a self-discovery perspective: I realise even more that I am excellent at planning to start to do things tomorrow.  

I have made a start though - 4 lbs came off (several times) and there were 4-5 days where no alcohol passed my lips.  But I didn’t set the dieting world alight and I didn’t drop any dress sizes.  That might sound rubbish, but some progress is better than no progress.  AND the more exciting thing is that I haven’t wasted the month completely: there are weight loss plans are afoot.  I know, I know... planning tomorrow etc etc.

I don’t know about you, but I find it very hard to motivate myself to do anything by half measures.  If I am working towards something and I know that it is just going to be ok, I won’t bother.  Whereas if I think it is going to be spectacular then I’ll work my (very pretty) socks off to accomplish it.  I need big goals and to really to drive towards.  Its the way I’m made I guess.  

Based on that build up, hopefully this doesn’t sound lame, but I’ve put myself forward for a 10k walk over big hills.  That's a huge deal for me - I've never achieved anything like that before.  3 months I have to prepare, which means I have to ring the gym up and get myself membership even despite the exorbitant cost.  I have also got a start date for a diet club.  April is really busy for me with meals out.  I have been saving them up for a while, so the diet club starts first week in May, but I am determined that I’m starting to lose some weight in April.

As an aside, as you will recall from my previous posts, I have my toenails painted most of the time.  What do you girls do when you go to the gym - do you just take it off or is there a way around it?  Especially when you have to go for a shower.  Tart-red nails are presumably quite noticeable?  (Actually it's grape sorbet at the moment, but I'm planning for a change this week! :o) )

The thing is that a lot of the over-eating and over-drinking is stress related for me.  I know other people handle it differently, but I respond to a really tense work situation, this whole weird gender thing and a tough familial challenge with food and wine.  The trick I’ve never managed to find is a healthy alternative stress relief.  (Did you notice I didn't even consider reducing the actual stress level?!)  Exercise has never really appealed or excited me and I’m not a hobby type of person.  A bit lazy out of work really.  Oh well, I'm going to try exercise again as a way to avoid it.  We’ll see.  Got to do something, I am getting quite sad about the current state of my weight and am worrying about the long term implications for my health.   Added to which, I keep being sent emails from all of the main clothes shops about the lovely clothes they have that I can’t fit into.  Now that’s annoying.  Hopefully worry (or frustration) at the very least will drive me to actually start.

Postscript: told another person yesterday about my secret.  An old schoolfriend.  She couldn’t have been lovelier.  Made me smile.  She was concerned for me, but so accepting.  Although we were chatting on-line, I felt so hugged.


  1. i find the easy way to exercise is to ensure that it remains an enjoyable thing that you can look forwards to.
    If you find yourself dreading your next trip to the gym, or the next jog in the park then you probably won't feel like going, and once you miss a few exercise opportunities you will probably not feel like going back.

    I like to have 'thinspiration', try having a photo of someone who inspires you close by. Like your screen saver, mobile phone backdrop or even a photo in your handbag.

    Everytime you find yourself looking at a bar of chocolate, reach for your thinspiration instead.


    1. Thank you for the advice Samantha, its a really good idea. Would it be too vain to use a photo of myself? About 4-5 years ago, I was absolutely stick thin. I look at the photo and am sick that I let myself get fat again!

      Failing that Michelle Ryan will just have to do. She looks amazing - I really love her look so much! :o)

      Chocolate is easy to resist. Its wine that I have steer clear of!!

  2. I always find the gym a hard place to exercise - there are so many other places that I would prefer to me and so I never went. Walking and cycling are always my way to lose weight (and no crisps of course). The additional benefit of this method is that you toes can stay whatever colour they want !