Sorry, another 2 month pause. I really must stop doing that. I have been so busy and together with having to create a lot of content for my blog at work (I know, such a blog harlot), I’ve been creatively exhausted. Sounds a bit too grand really. But I’ve been hanging around and reading lots of other blogs and commenting. Lynn over at YATGB is just producing some amazing content at the moment which I’ve been really enjoying.
In general, I’ve continued to spend time presenting as me. I’ve been out a few times - one included going for a meal in a local restaurant with a friend who is completely lovely and encouraging. I wore one of my new tops from this blog - the lacy armed one. Many days as Rhiannon at work, including one little afternoon soiree (can a soiree be any other time than the evening?) which was very pleasant. Continuing my regime of waxing and attempting to start to diet and failing. Generally happy in a devastated-and-traumatised-to-spend-a-moment-longer-presenting-male kind of way.
So not much new to tell really from the last couple of months, just two little stories to whet the appetite:
I said in my last blog that I was going to visit Dr Curtis to start the medical process towards transition. It was an interesting meeting, I’m not sure I enjoyed it as I felt very nervous. Dates and the order of my journey so far just flew out of my head and I felt that I gave a very muddled account of myself. In fact, when I got the report I didn’t open it for several weeks as I was sure it would be a label of ‘deluded bloke’ rather than ‘gender dysphoric transwoman’. But eventually I womaned up and opened it. The first thing that struck me: I’d forgotten that a copy was being sent to my GP! Ohmygoodness. Well, if they were ignoring it before, they can’t now.
But the verdict? Several things: first, it was a gender dysphoric diagnosis (phew), second, it was a view that I can’t move forward medically without major weight-loss (which I suspected), third, I need to stop my habit of using alcohol to cope with my feelings of gender dysphoria and fourth and final, I need to get some counselling. Fortunately, the counselling can happen locally to where I live, so I’ve started that process off and hopefully the actual meetings will start soon. The weight loss is more challenging. Great gusto for several weeks and then falling off a cliff. Very little exercise too. I’m a very busy and active woman with lots going on in her life, I just prefer to do it all sat down.
I had a wobble. Cheeky, that doesn’t relate to my weight loss problem. But I did. I was booked to go out for dinner with a friend to a small town in the South of England. I’m getting used to going out in cities, but there is something slightly more exposing about going out in a small town. The thought of it made me feel very vulnerable and honestly, a little frightened. I know that if I’m to go full time, these are challenges that I need to overcome. Fortunately on that night, I ran a little late in getting to the town and so I didn’t have enough time to get changed etc. I wonder whether I would have taken the plunge if I did have the time. I’m going back there sometime, so I guess we’ll find out one day… anyway, my friend was brilliant, I had a great night and the food was fab. So all good.
I do have some more ideas for some blogs, so I won't leave it long before the next one. Thank you for reading :o) xxx