Sometimes, its like the desperation is just overwhelming. Its like a deep down sadness and unhappiness that just cause me to sit at my desk and instead of working, to just cry. Its like you want your insides just to rupture out of your body and to turn you into someone different because what you are just isn’t right. Its like you need someone to reach inside of you and bring peace because there is none available. Its like there is nowhere you can go to escape from your self, I go with myself wherever I am, even when I would prefer myself to leave. Its like a detachment where nothing is quite real. Its like an isolation you can never explain. Its like you are alone with a problem you can never understand. Its like wishing the numbness I sometimes feel would come back because at least then I’d stop feeling like I do.
Don’t get me wrong, there are some very happy, productive times. This morning just isn’t one of them. With nowhere else to turn sometimes, my thoughts are laid bare for you here.